


Coming To Grips

by Ribbons_Undone



Series: Dream World [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:00:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25191292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ribbons_Undone/pseuds/Ribbons_Undone
Summary: It’s been weeks since Dean has seen Cas and he’s not dealing with it well. Sam tries to help.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Dream World [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1784737
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	Coming To Grips

* * *

_Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand  
Henceforward in thy shadow. Nevermore  
Alone upon the threshold of my door  
Of individual life, I shall command  
The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand  
Serenely in the sunshine as before,  
Without the sense of that which I forbore—  
  
_

\-- Excerpt from _Sonnet VI_ by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

* * *

_Coming to Grips_

Dean sat in the dark motel room with a bottle of whisky dangling from one hand.

It had been weeks since Bobby’s and Cas’s stinging ultimatum. Dean had dreamed a few times since then, but every time he called for Castiel, the angel never showed. Not that Dean expected him to, but he couldn’t help it. It was more of a habit than anything, but after the third time or so he got the point. Cas wouldn’t show, not until Dean made up his mind about what he wanted.

His dream world was beginning to feel empty and lonely. Each day the sun shone a little dimmer, the once bright landscape shadowed by the heaviness in his heart.

It made a man not want to dream. He was more than a little bitter about that.

“Dude, you ok?”

Sam appeared in the doorway to the bathroom, looking worried. This wasn’t the first time he’d asked Dean that very question. He’d been a depressing piece of shit over the last few weeks and Sam had obviously noticed. His brother was worried about him, about the downward spiral he was taking, and his constant hovering wasn’t making things easier for Dean to just _deal_. He did his best to ignore Sam or derail his attempts at starting a conversation, but Sam was getting bolder and to be honest Dean was tired of dodging all his questions.

He took a pull from the bottle in his hand as he considered his answer.

“No, Sam, I’m not,” Dean admitted with a sigh. He took another drink.

“Care to tell me about it?” Sam pressed.

“Nope.”

Another long pull.

“It’s about the dreams, right? They’ve stopped. Ever since Bobby’s,” Sam said, hoping to goad Dean into saying something. Dean wasn’t that stupid, however, and he didn’t frankly care what Sam had pieced together or what kind of theory he had come up with to explain Dean’s current mood.

“Yep, I’m fucking cured. Congratulations,” Dean said curtly.

“Cas hasn’t been around in a while either,” Sam said, starting again.

Fuck. Sam just had to go and say his name.

“So?” Dean said. He tried his best to keep the edge of panic out of his voice, but part of it slipped through.

“He seemed pretty upset when he left Bobby’s,” Sam continued. “So did you. Did something happen?”

“It’s nothing,” Dean said flatly.

“It isn’t _nothing_.” Sam let out a frustrated sigh. “Why won’t you tell me what’s going on with you, Dean? I want to help, man.”

“Because it’s none of your fucking business, that’s why.” Dean slammed the bottle down on the table.

Sam had tried to help, and look where it had got him. Dean opened his mouth, _wishing_ he could blame everything on his little brother. _Damn_.

“Are we going on this hunt or what?” he said instead. He grabbed his jacket and keys and stalked to the door.

“Hey,” Sam said, grabbing him by the arm. “No way in hell you’re driving. In fact, I think you should sit this one out.” He dug the keys out of Dean’s hand and shoved Dean back. It didn’t take much, considering how drunk he was. “I mean it, Dean. Take the night and clear your head. I’ve got this. If you feel any better, come find me.”

Sam gave his brother one last encouraging smile and slipped out of the room.

Dean sat down on the bed. After a few minutes he laid back with a sigh and closed his eyes.

* * *

He awoke by the edge of the lake in his chair. The light of the day was dimmed, like twilight only with more shades of yellow than blue. The sun was nowhere to be seen. There were no clouds in the sky either, and it cast an eerie glow over the lake that somehow reflected how he was feeling. The wind picked up over the water and Dean thought he heard the distant call of thunder.

“Cas…” Dean murmured, reaching out to the angel with his thoughts. “Castiel?”

The air around him was suddenly still as Dean held his breath, waiting for a reply. When it didn’t come, Dean let it out in a sigh. Cas wasn’t coming. _Wouldn’t_ come, not anymore. Not unless Dean decided he was ready to take things into the real world.

Dean leaned back in the chair, watching the waves below him fold lazily in on one another. He had a lot to think about.

He stared out at the water for a long time. The haze of the alcohol had followed him into his dream, and for a while he just waited in a daze until he was sober enough to think clearly. Only when he felt the edge of the booze loosen did he start to try and make sense of everything pressing in around him.

He started by making a list.

He knew he liked Cas. He knew he needed Cas and wanted Cas in his life. He wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, but he knew he wasn’t ready to give it up. Cas thought they could make it work in the real world. Dean thought there was no way on earth that could happen—literally—but he also knew he wanted Cas however he could have him.

The question was whether he was willing to take the leap.

Could they make it work on Castiel’s blind faith alone? Dean wasn’t so sure. Reality was typically a cold-hearted bitch.

Dean supposed it came down to what he believed in more—Castiel’s faith, or his own cynicism?

Cas, Dean decided. Hands down.

Was it really that simple? He kind of expected things to be a bit more complicated than that.

Dean sat for a long time just turning that one over in his mind until he decided, yeah, it _was_ that simple. He wanted Cas in his life. Period. That in itself was worth the risk.

It would probably end horribly, but…it was better than the large pile of nothing he had right now. Even if it only lasted a minute, it would still be worth it. He could always say _I told you so_ later.

The storm off in the distance churned, coming closer. He could see the clouds rolling in by this point. It seemed there was still something troubling him.

What had Cas said? Something about facing what he had been avoiding.

He was avoiding the real world. That much was obvious, right?

Dean thought about that, but something felt off. If he was being completely honest, there wasn’t anything out there in the ‘real world’ that scared him. Everything was here, inside his dreams.

Now that he realized it, the evidence was blinding. Dreams were a doorway to the subconscious, after all.

Dean glanced up at the little log cabin nestled between the trees.

The thing he feared had been here all along.

Son of a bitch.

Sam was off hunting down some unidentified creepy crawly, and Dean was _here_ , sitting by a lake having a fucking existential crisis.

Enough was enough. It was time to wake up. He just hoped he wasn’t too late.

* * *

_The widest land  
Doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine  
With pulses that beat double. What I do  
And what I dream include thee, as the wine  
Must taste of its own grapes. And when I sue  
God for myself, He hears that name of thine,  
And sees within my eyes the tears of two._

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: 
> 
> I’m SUPER excited to have the opportunity to use Elizabeth Barrett Browning in this series. She is my FAVORITE poet and having “Sonnet VI” be the piece for “Part 6” of Dream World is an elegant coincidence that really gets me because this installment was a complete surprise—I had the next part mapped out and then this one just sort of…stole in there when I wasn’t looking. It’s like Liz or Cas or someone wanted this to happen. Shit’s giving me goosebumps.
> 
> I realized later that this installment does a couple very important things to set up the next part, so I’m happy with it. If the ending seems ambiguous and confusing, then I’m doing it right. Foreshadowing you say? What? I can’t hear you… >.>
> 
> Sorry there’s no Cas this time and that it’s so short. The next installment will be super long and have lots of our sexy angel to make up for it. ;)


End file.
